Wellness Wednesday - Giving Yourself Grace During Grief

The room we made for mom at our school

It's been just over a month since my mom passed away.

The first few days went by in a blur—memorial service planning, wills and paperwork, cleaning out her apartment, finding homes for all of her things. There was so much to do, and I was busy.

Now that things have slowed down some, I've had a chance to really grieve.

My thoughts keep going back to my growing-up years. Then I think of our weekly Sunday lunches and playing Rummikub together after church. Each time I hear a song she liked, or drive by a place we used to visit together, tears well up in my eyes.

Even as I sit here writing about my feelings, tears are streaming down my face.

When we moved into our new home at the old school, we made a room just for my mom so she could come and stay with us during the holidays, or even during the week whenever she wanted. We decorated it with purple accents—her favourite colour. 💜

It grieves me that she didn't get to stay there very often.

We have all experienced the pain of losing someone we love. Even though that pain can lessen over the years, I don't think it ever truly goes away.

Memories are precious, but they can also be painful.

I think of all the good times and the beautiful memories that bring my heart joy. But then there are moments when I look back and wonder how I could have handled things differently. I think about times when I could have been more patient with her, and suddenly those same memories become painful.

Grief has a way of bringing it all to the surface.

We all grieve in different ways, and it's all real.

Something I'm learning during my own grief is simply to be gentle with myself.

I can't do everything on my own. And I can't just fill every day with "busyness" so I don't have time to think.

I'm realizing that it's okay to slow down. It's okay to reflect on my mom's life and her passing.

And it's okay to cry. :)

My poor husband—we'll just be sitting together playing a game, and suddenly he'll look up and see me crying because a thought about my mom popped into my head.

The other day, I was sitting in church and eventually had to go and sit in the car because she wasn't there beside me.

During our service, the children always go to the front to sing a children's song. It was my mom's favourite part of the service because she loved children. Even though standing had become difficult for her, she would get to her feet so she could see them all.

She would always comment on how beautiful the children were.

And when they went to the front that Sunday, I really missed her.

That's grief.

It can find you in the middle of an ordinary moment and suddenly remind you just how much you loved someone.

But in the middle of my grief, I also have something that brings me incredible comfort.

My mom hasn't "died"—I like to think that she has simply graduated to the next place.

Because of the faith she instilled in me throughout my life, the faith she lived so beautifully herself, and my own relationship with Jesus, I believe with all my heart that she was greeted with open arms by her loving Saviour.

And that gives me so much comfort.

I believe there is something far more beautiful beyond this life. This life is just the stepping stone.

As much as I miss her here, I know without a doubt that I will see her again.

Jesus said in John 14:2:

"My Father's house has many rooms... I am going there to prepare a place for you."

I love that verse even more now.

My mom has claimed her room. ❤️

She claimed her relationship with Jesus when she was a little girl and carried that faith throughout her entire life.

So even though I miss our visits, her hugs and her laugh here on earth, I picture her laughing and visiting with all those who left this earth before her.

And I am so grateful for that. :)

Maybe giving ourselves grace during grief isn't about trying to move on or getting back to "normal."

Maybe it's allowing ourselves to feel it all.

To cry when we need to cry.

To laugh when a beautiful memory comes back.

To rest when we're tired.

To talk about the person we miss.

To remember.

And, for me, to lean into my faith when my heart hurts.

Wellness isn't always about what we eat, how much we exercise, or whether we've checked everything off our healthy-living list.

Sometimes wellness is recognizing that our heart needs tending too.

So if you're grieving someone you love today, give yourself grace.

There is no timeline.

There is no perfect way to do it.

Take care of your heart. Hold onto the beautiful memories. Let the tears come when they need to.

And remember just how fortunate you were to have loved someone enough to miss them this much. ❤️

That, too, is part of this beautiful journey we call life.